Life Behind All the Squares

Looking on social media, everyone always looks like they have everything going for them. Like girl, how in the world do you do your make up every day, take your dog on cute walks, manage an empire, have perfect kids, annnnd go to the Maldives on the weekends?

I’m going to guess that’s probably not the case with most people and real life DOES happen behind those squares. I know my life doesn’t look anywhere near remotely perfect nor are too many people galavanting around feeling jealous of my life.

What I’ve realized, though, is the less time you spend hating the Kardashians, the happier you are.

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That might not sound relevant but my point is: it’s all a mind set. I’ve spent a lot of time being bitter about how less qualified people are out living better lives. But why? If they’re less qualified then why not make a life for myself that I enjoy instead of worrying about them.

Going through the “right” path can sometimes be aggravating when people around you are figuring out loopholes. It seems unfair but at the same time you have the same opportunities. In the end, you’ll even be ahead of the game; or at least have more tricks up your sleeve.

I’d be willing to bet I have it a lot better than a lot of people and I remind myself every day of that. When I look at my little squares I see a lot of joy, love, and blessings. Behind them there’s a lot of support, sacrifice, laughter, sleepy smiles, and struggles. There’s a lot of time where Riley and I are not together because of his hockey schedule. There’s a lot of days where it’s just me and little Scarli-B – holding her while I do my homework, write programs, try to launch a smidge of a business or write a blog. I still shower – I refuse to slack on myself.

I read something yesterday morning that said “being busy doesn’t always mean you’re being productive” and it really stayed with me. I spend a lot of time being busy but getting nowhere (aside from homework- I suppose that gets me closer to graduation). I spend a lot of time frustrated. I also spend a lot of time yearning for something that only I can give myself.

Happiness comes from within. No amount of money, things, trips, or admirers can make you happy if you aren’t internally happy and satisfied. Although, I’d greatly benefit from a day in the Bahamas by myself with endless mimosas. Come on, just one, pleeeease.

Some days I feel like super mom and some days I break down and have to convince Riley I don’t need him to quit hockey to give me a more stable life. There is so much time for that later. Some days it’s hard, though. I also know he hasn’t reached his full potential and I think I would be more mad than him if I didn’t get to see it through with him. So in the mean time, I have to find a good mindset. A mindset of life is good RIGHT NOW. Not “it’s going to be good.” Not “it’s gonna be fine one day.” It’s fine right now and it’s better than most.

I married this amazing man who never complains, always gives me my me time, always helps me clean, makes me dinner 99% of nights, and insists on Scarlet’s bath time being a family affair. We do everything together – we cry together, we vent together, we leave each other’s toothbrush head on for the other after we are done, we don’t just finish each other’s sentences but sometimes make the exact same noise at the same time – and that’s something those little squares will never be able to fully portray.

I don’t have a lot of followers but I want people to know that I put my life out there because gosh is it ever wonderful. It’s not perfect and I don’t want it to be but what I hope is that the people with perfect squares also have this joy behind them even when things are hard. You can always have more money and you can always do more but sometimes you have all you need.

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